6: Sustaining Tokimeki in Relationships

Episode 6.001

Hello my beautiful people, how are you doing?

I am doing great, because I have been extremely blessed to have many sweet, kind, caring, wise and beautiful friends around me.

One Sunday evening, I was having tea time with one of my friends, and she asked me if there was any trick to maintain tokimeki. In particular, she asked me about how we might be able to maintain tokimeki in a romantic relationship. For an example, if you are in a relationship for a long time, how would you maintain having that spark along the way?

This is kind of an interesting point to designing tokimeki. Because all of my behavior design research has been focusing on personal behavior change. But this one is about the interaction between 2 people. So this is kind of new field for me to apply my knowledge.
Yet, romantic relationship is a huge factor in tokimeki.

So today, I will talk about how we might be able to maintain tokimeki in a romantic relationship.
Now let’s get started with today’s show!!!

Episode 6.002

  • In today’s show, we talked about how to maintain tokimeki in a romantic relationship. (00:06:32)
  • In the first chunk of this episode, I introduced you a thesis “Does a long-term relationship kill romantic Love? (Acevedo & Aron, 2009)”.  (00:07:45)
  • This article examines the possibility that romantic love (defined as a relationship which has intensity, engagement, and sexual interest) can exist in long-term relationships, in order to find out if the assumption time kills romantic love is true or not. (00:07:58)
  • By investigating the difference between long-term couples and short-term couples on their level of romantic love (romantic love is love without obsession), passionate love (passionate love is romantic love with obsession), and companionate love (calm, friendship-type attachment), this article has statistically proven that that the length of time is not the factor that controls the level of romantic relationships. We can indeed be in a romantic relationship even after a long time of being together with someone. (00:09:15)
  • My 3 implications from this research were… First of all, you may lose obsession but you can still be in romantic relationship over time. Second of all, you actually build companionate love (calm, friendship-type attachment) over time, which you wouldn’t have had in short-term relationships. And finally, self-esteem plays a key role in sustaining romantic relationship. (00:11:05)
  • It seems like the key for building romantic relationship is in designing your own self-esteem as well as designing your partner’s self-esteem. In the show, I also have introduced some methods for designing self-esteem. (00:14:00)
  • Isn’t it nice to know that we know scientifically that romantic relationship can last even in a long-term relationship? If you have any trouble in your long-term relationships, try to boost your self-esteem and your partner’s self-esteem. I assure you that you will have even more sparkle time in your relationship.  (00:19:15)

Episode 6.003


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