Hello my beautiful people, how are you doing?
So last week, we talked about travel anxiety. We talked about how to turn a mindset of having travel anxiety into a mindset of creating sparkle experiences in travel. Interestingly, despite that I was having so much anxiety beforehand, after I came back from travel I felt more so connected to myself.
Speaking of feeling connected, I have realized that I feel least confident when I witness the “impulsive me” comes out. When this “impulsive me” comes out, I lose connection with myself and I don’t know how to unite myself together gently. Until now, how I dealt with her was by feeling shameful about how she comes out and punish her when she is more calm. But in order to unite myself together as a whole including this “impulsive me”, I need to re-design the way I relate to this “impulsive me”.
So today, in my show, I would like to answer a question “how might we be able to relate better with ourselves when we feel shame?”, so that we can let go of shame and shine even more.
Now let’s get started with today’s show!!!
- Today, I tried to answer a question “how might we be able to relate better with ourselves when we feel shame?” (00:07:45)
- In the beginning of the show, I introduced how shame comes up for me, so that you know what I mean by shame. (00:08:00)
- To find an answer to my question, I introduced a work of Brené Brown, who is a research professor at the University of Houston. (00:13:37)
- According to Brené Brown, shame is defined as “An intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.”
Now, it is really important to distinguish shame and guilt. (00:14:33)
- The main concern of shame is that shame makes one feel 3 things; “being trapped”, “powerless” and “isolated”. (00:15:55)
- Shame is constructed by 3 components. First, it is the psychological component. This relates to person’s emphasis on emotions, thoughts and behaviors of self. Second, it is the social component. This relates to the way the person experiences shame in an interpersonal context that is inextricably ties to relationships and connections. And thirdly, it is the cultural component. This relates to the cultural expectations and the relationship between shame and the real or perceived failure of meeting cultural expectations. From this, you can see that shame is only there in the social context. (00:17:25)
- We also talked about “shame triggers”. There appear to be a shared experience of how expectations generated from social/cultural expectations are enforced by individuals and supported by medial culture. This media culture produces this “unwanted identities” associated with certain topics, and act as shame triggers. Again, we can see that shame has a lot to do with the social context. (00:19:05)
- Now then, how can we heal this feeling of shame? According to Shame Resilience Theory which was proposed by Brené Brown, we can develop shame resilience by decreasing the feeling of trapped, powerless, and isolated. When we build enough shame resilience, we then can transform from a state of shame into a state of empathy. A state of empathy is when you feel “connected”, “power”, and “freedom”. (00:20:18)
- In order to move from a state of shame into a state of empathy, there are 4 stages; the vulnerability continuum, the critical awareness continuum, the reaching out continuum, and the speaking shame continuum. And I listed questions for each continuum for you to be able to heal your shame easier! (00:20:55)
- It is really easy for us to feel shameful about ourselves in the crazy world we live in. But by connecting authentically, we will be able to get over it even when shame comes up in our lives. (00:27:20)
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Stay tuned for more!